what I call a good life

the never ending poem

I want to talk about life

I want to talk about living

Because I have died

I know the feeling of a damn knife

Did that catch you off guard

Well, then let’s start

For, I have a secret

Movement

Attraction

Connection

Your body and mine

Body language

And your own damn thoughts

Do you ever get lost in the details that fall in between?

Come close, listen to the sound that slips from my soft pink lips

Whispering about this billowing, fleeting feeling

Do you know what it means to live?

Heart racing

Blood pumping
Tummy tumbling

Lips quivering

Thinking every damn day, every second whether this – whether you are enough

Pay attention,

I’m going to talk about something that might make you queasy

And I am oh so sorry dears, but it will not be easy

Chapter one

Death

The lick of a thumb and a finger pressed against a flame

Your flame

And while the smoke may linger, your hope fades out

Dead and lame

You see,

Even after death

I’ve looked, I’ve searched

For something that is within me

But in a world full of trends

No one seems to want to

Bend, the rules

Originality

Or maybe that’s extinct

I can’t tell because we all have the same personality

Who would’ve thought?

Mass media and seven billion people linked

But there’s still hatred and violence

So, where the fuck do we find life?

In a world full of noise and way too many mean boys

(And don’t mind the reverse sexism

I know quite a few girls that have made themselves exes)

But back to the constant creaking, ringing, beeping

I find myself screaming

Just to find a little fucking

Peace, of mind

When you look up, when you look down

It’s a real niche when you shut the fuck up to figure it out

That life

Is silence

It’s the quiet we run from

Too dense for our sensitive ears

Too loud and obtuse

To wrap our minds around that deadly noise

Are you scared?

With what comes with the all-knowing quiet?

The only omnipotent being that my atheist mind bows down to

And although I have died

Ceasing of all noise has brought me back to life

So let’s hope there’s hope

For our own generation’s sake

That with confrontation and pain

Someone will climb on top of this fucking world and scream

Silence

When I died

A legitimate heart

A righteous mind

Phrases that sounded so smart at the time

But maybe I was just too naïve

Because I fell from a very tight line

A lifeline cut by the one I thought I loved

And he laughed as I fell

And the final link broke the cuffs

Hand cuffs I didn’t know I had on until I looked up

Screaming to the shell of me

Getting farther and farther from my very own reach

And then everything felt still

And it was silent

When your body feels this devastation

You see,

Flight or fight kicks in and the motivation decides to scream

This is not your time

And let me tell you I chose to fight

I grabbed myself by my shoulders and said,

We need to reconfigure

And create a stir

A bright blip

Because I have learned that

I want to last forever

And I never want to say never

I learned to live

And with this

The realization came that our communication sucks

Our generation is fucked

And we’re all still shit out of luck

While I’m stuck in Mercury’s retrograde

The rest of the world is taking Xanax with Gatorade

And while we are speaking, we are wreaking

Havoc on our damned world

So I ask

Can we cry

While we die

Because while I resurrected

I look around and see way too many kids thinking they can live off their parents' checks

And they don’t even see that is not living

And I cannot live in a world that is a dive

Diving

Deeper and deeper

In the dark blue

Because our glue is broken

Chapter two

Is about you

I told you how I learned to live

And I’m not telling you that you need to relive

A tragedy, a heartbreak

Or that one day your four month old puppy drove you so fucking crazy that tears streamed down your face

But I’m asking

You to think

To find quiet

So that

A legitimate heart

A righteous mind

That these smart sounding phrases have more purpose than just to die

And that we

Can dive deep

Deep into the blue to re-glue

What is broken

What’s wrong?

I told you this wouldn’t be easy

And I’m sorry for being so cheesy

But this lesson won’t unlock the answer with the snap of your fingers

Think on it

And by dawn, honey, maybe you’ll see that this life is a little like cancer

And maybe that is just the answer

It sucks our youth when we are near

And laughs in our face when we ask for a fucking break

It will gladly cut our lifeline

Just like the one I thought I loved

And I wish so badly I could lay my head down one last time on him

So instead of a heartbeat, I could hear his heart break

I may sound bitter

But every once in a while, revenge tastes a little better

Chapter three

You have the key

Igniting your flame

With the flick of a red edged end of a match against a course surface

Yellow, red and bright

Smoke swirls above in the light

Life

This path will not be easy

And I already said once I was going to make you queasy

Pay attention to your thoughts asking if you are enough

Say yes

Because now we’ve covered

The definition of living

Heart racing

Blood pumping

Tummy tumbling

Lips quivering

Come close and whisper to the next person you see

Let them hear your whispers slipping from your lips

It’s your secret now

Movement

Attraction
Connection

Their body and yours

Let them question

Their thoughts

By catching them off guard

And I died once

But I want all of us to live

And breathe

And that’s

What I call a good fucking life